Day of Fools
by ZareEraz
Summary: Fem!Watanuki/Doumeki! Its April 1st and twenty four hours of deception begins with a bang…actually it begins with a very early alarm going off in an atypical place, much to the displeasure of Doumeki. The prankster? His girlfriend. For once, Watanuki is making everyone else the April Fool!
A/N: ZareEraz here! First off: I promise I will update Addiction soon! There, now that that's out of the way, this is my little birthday fic for Watanuki that's been sitting on my computer for about a year now (since I missed his birthday last time) and I hope you all enjoy the mischievousness! Happy Reading! :3 And Happy Birthday Watanuki!

Day of Fools

Doumeki knew that today was going to be a long, annoying day when an alarm clock went off at three in the morning. His eyes snapped open and his hand flung out to shut off the alarm. However, his hand hit empty air and then the floor. His alarm clock had been moved. The man growled, reaching for the watch on his low dresser and swore when he saw what time it was on his watch. It was three in the morning! Doumeki tried to roll back over and fall asleep, but the shrill beeping invaded his ears and rattled around in his head, making sleep impossible. The brunette then had to search around his bedroom in the dark for the offending object. He found it stashed in his dresser and turned off the little battery clock, chucking it in the corner and crawling back into his futon to fall back asleep. He settled back in under his blanket, his eyes drifting closed, his body shutting down again after his rude awakening. He felt sleep muddling with his thoughts, randomizing them and making them hard to follow. The quiet of the temple was peaceful again. Ten minutes later, just as he was about to really drift off to sleep, another clock went off – this time it was taped to the ceiling. Doumeki shot awake again and growled uncharacteristically, leaping up, his legs wobbly and heavy with sleep and ran to the kitchen to grab a chair, drag it back and ripped the offending object off the ceiling, shutting it up and chucking it out the window. Now he was really pissed, but he was too tired to care. Almost, because then he heard a giggle from the next room over. He knew that voice.

"Kimihiro…" He growled softly.

"Uh oh!" Came the panicked whisper. Doumeki heard a door slide open and shut and footsteps running in the courtyard. His girlfriend had dashed away into the night like a ninja, but not quietly like a ninja, just quickly like a ninja. Doumeki rolled his eyes and sank back onto his futon, really ready to sleep this time. Now everything made sense. Apparently, she was getting ahead on her pranks for April Fool's Day, taking her one day of payback a year very seriously. Doumeki rolled his eyes again and threw his blanket over his head. "Great. She's going to be at it all day."

The one good thing about April Fool's Day was that he also had some tricks up his sleeves, but by the end of the day, he had a feeling that Watanuki would get him more than he got her. But that could wait until later. Right now, he wanted to sleep and that's what he was going to do.

The daylight part of the morning wasn't any better than the rude awakening. First, Watanuki had painted his bar of bathroom soap over with clear nail polish, making it very hard to wash his hands when he rubbed bar against his skin. In the end, Doumeki had to grab a new bar of soap. The next annoying, childish prank was his deodorant…it was butter in the container instead of deodorant, which was really gross and he had to go wash it off…only to find that she'd sealed his body wash with plastic wrap. The next came in the form of his shirts…which the girl had ironed inside out. He'd put his shirt on backwards at first and then noticed the prank and turned it right side out again only to find that his collar didn't lay the correct way because it had been ironed backwards, so after a lot of finagling and frustrated folding, his collar looked passable. The next was his pants…she'd hemmed them loosely so that they were about three inches short, her perfect housewife skills becoming quite the challenge. Doumeki had to go search for a pair of scissors (which had been relocated to the silverware drawer in the kitchen) and cut the tacks holding up his pants. The next was the toilet paper in the toes of his shoes, stopping his feet from fitting properly and he agitatedly ripped out the paper so he could be finished will all the clothes pranks.

By the time Doumeki was actually dressed, he was late for his usual train and late for his university classes. When he finally got to school, Watanuki was waiting at the building of his first class smiling like a goblin. She was leaning against the wall, dressed for the chilly day in long, dark pants and a blue trench jacket, her hair yanked up into her normal ponytail and her mismatched eyes gleefully shining at him.

"Good morning, Shizuka!" She called, waving happily.

"You know the morning wasn't good." He replied, walking up to his girlfriend.

"I know." Her happy expression turned murderous for a moment. "I didn't appreciate the cream cheese in my toothpaste."

"I knew you wouldn't." Doumeki had switched out her toothpaste before he'd left her apartment yesterday evening as a precaution, in cause he couldn't get in any more pranks the next day. "But you sure made getting dressed difficult today."

"I know, right?" She was smiling happily again. "Well, I'm off to class, you're late and here's your lunch!" Watanuki reached into her bag and pulled out a mid-sized bento box and held it out to the man. He stared at it for a moment.

"Is is poisoned?" Doumeki asked, raising one eyebrow at her.

"Of course not! I'm not that mean!" Watanuki huffed, shoving the box into his hands. "Enjoy!" She called, running towards her class.

"I don't know if I will." Doumeki said to her retreating back, looking down at the innocent looking bento box.

He didn't.

…

Doumeki met Wari in the university library after his first two classes. The boys were studying on their break, taking notes at a quiet table and comparing the pranks that had been pulled on them by Watanuki.

"So she got you too?" Doumeki asked after explaining his trouble with getting dressed this morning.

"Yep. She sent me a love letter with a bunch of glitter it in. It was a sweet note, but the glitter sucks. My apartment floor is still covered in it."

"I changed out Watanuki's toothpaste with cream cheese." Doumeki said.

"Well, that was a good one." Wari replied, flipping through his textbook to find an answer on his worksheet.

"Yeah, she blew up and ripped my head off when she tried to brush her teeth. But she switched out my deodorant with butter. And she put jelly in my onigiri for good measure."

"Watanuki put colored water in all my alcohol bottles. I found a charred circle outside in the garden with a note that said, 'I burned all your sake.' She's going to die for this!" Another voice interjected. Both men looked up and found Yuko lounging on the end of their study table.

"Oh, Yuko! What brings you here?" Wari asked nicely, smiling.

"You're trespassing on university property." Doumeki informed the witch, brushing some of her long hair off of his notebook where it had fallen.

"Oh, come on! Aren't you happy to see me?" Yuko pouted with her purple lips. The woman was decked out in a slinky purple halter top, low back with a jean jacket over it with black pants and platform shoes.

"Shame about the sake." The archer replied, turning back to his notes.

"Why aren't you more sympathetic?" Yuko grumbled, rolling over onto her back and crossing her arms.

"Because I still have my alcohol."

"Now I can see why Watanuki gets mad at you." Yuko glared at the archer. "You're so infuriating sometimes." Wari giggled at their exchange quietly. "Don't you want revenge?"

"Not really." Doumeki said, reaching for his book bag.

"Now that's not very fun." Yuko drawled. Doumeki pulled out his textbooks and laid the rest of them on the table. And that's when he noticed that they were all the wrong textbooks. Somehow…someone…had switched out his books that were definitely in his bag when he left for school and he had had them for his first two classes. But these ones…they were for tomorrow's classes. _Kimihiro…_ the man thought, trying to think of when Watanuki could've switched out his books.

"How does she do that?" Doumeki asked, looking up at Yuko, knowing that she was the master of all things impossible.

"Do what?" The witch asked, her eyebrows rising into her bangs. The woman tucked her hands behind her head and waited for the archer to go on.

"Do things without me noticing?" Doumeki finished.

"I don't know. Why are you looking at me?" The witch replied to the question with a question.

"Because you're one who sneaks into the library without us noticing." He replied back.

"And you always show up at just the right moment for things." Wari added cheerfully.

"And you always seem to know about things that will happen before they do. So I just assume that she got it from you." Doumeki finished.

"One: you two were just not paying attention," Yuko started, holding up one pale finger. "Two: that's called perfect timing." Another finger came up. "And three: I'm a very good guesser." A last finger came up.

"Riiiiiiight." Wari and Doumeki brushed her off, knowing that only half of what she said was true. She was a witch after all.

"You two are horrible, you know that?" Yuko asked, pouting cutely. "But I like you anyway!~" The woman continued to look at the boys, particularly Doumeki as she smiled.

"You're not giving up on revenge…are you?" Doumeki asked, still staring at the witch.

"Nope!~" Yuko's grin widened. "I have the perfect idea!~" Doumeki held back a sigh.

"What is it?" He asked, knowing that once he said that, he couldn't back out. Yuko wouldn't let him.

"Well…" The woman started, leaning in close to the two friends. "Here's what I need you to do, Doumeki…"

…

After the school day, Doumeki was waiting for Watanuki, ready to play the most cruel and devious prank that Yuko had probably ever come up with. The archer sat on a bench outside, watching for when his girlfriend would run up to him after her last class of the day. A slight breeze picked up the ends of his hair, blowing them around his face and sending a chill through the university's courtyard. It was only a few minutes later that Watanuki came jogging up to the brunette, her usual smug face on.

"Have a good day, Shizuka?" She asked innocently, already knowing that the archer hadn't had a good afternoon because he didn't have the right books for class and he got called out for it too by his professors.

"Hm." He replied, not really wanting to respond.

"No response? That's cute." Watanuki came up to his side and kissed his cheek softly before she took his hand and pulled the man to his feet. Doumeki let her do it, and they walked out of the university hand in hand. There was a contented silence between them for a few blocks, only broken by the sounds of the cars on the street and conversations between people they didn't know and subjects they didn't have a say in. Watanuki squeezed Doumeki's hand tightly before relaxing again. She was the first to speak.

"So, since it's my birthday, Yuko wanted to throw a party at the shop. I've already purchased enough food for a banquet and I know she's just going to make my life more difficult for me because of the stunt I pulled this morning, but it's nothing I can't handle. Wari's coming too, that goes without saying and I know you don't pass up food so I think I've got enough for the seven of us." Watanuki started rambling about the meal she was going to prepare in Yuko's shop and Doumeki was waiting for the perfect moment to spring his trap. "Maru and Moro won't eat that much, if anything, but you, Yuko and Mokona will eat enough for at least four people each…did I buy enough meat? I hope so otherwise Yuko will be upset. Hey, you know what?" Watanuki paused here, looking up at her boyfriend. "It was around this time of year that we started going steady, wasn't it? It's been about two years now, right? Wow! Time flies. I still can't believe it!" The woman smiled brightly, hoping for a positive response from Doumeki. Instead, she got a shock. "It's really amazing that-"

"Watanuki, I want to break up." Doumeki said, cutting the girl off mid-sentence. His words didn't quite register with her for a few, silent seconds before the seer exploded.

"WHAT?!" She shrieked, her mouth gaping, eyes wide and full of unexpected tears.

"I'm breaking up with you." Doumeki said, his voice the same volume, tone and seriousness as his previous statement.

"Bu-bu-but I-I-I…" Watanuki struggled to make her mouth move, her body physically hindering her thought processes and ability to speak, thing and feel anything but devastation and heartbreak. This was coming out of nowhere! She never expected Doumeki to do something like this, not in a million, no – BILLION – years! _Is it because I pissed him off so many times today? Am I too childish? Too annoying? Has this been coming for a long time and I just didn't see it? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?! I don't want to lose him!_ She was still gaping at the man, staring into his deadpan face, trying to find some hope, some way to change his mind. "He-e-ey, Sh-shi-zu-u-ka, w-what are y-you talking a-about? If t-this is a-about all the p-pranks I-I pulled today, I-I-I promise to never do it again!" Her mouth finally started working. "I'm sorry if I annoyed the hell out of you but it was just for fun! They were jokes! I didn't really mean to piss you off! I was just a little fun, for April's Fools Day! I have no idea where this is coming from! You don't really want to break up? Do you?" Watanuki's eyes filled with tears, leaking down her cheeks as she tried to convince Doumeki that it was all in good fun, she didn't really mean to make him mad, she didn't want to break up.

"Of course not." Doumeki replied, staring back into her watery, mismatched eyes. That statement derailed Watanuki again, who was now really confused.

"What?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"I don't want to break up with you." Doumeki reached out and grabbed the woman's hand, yanking her into his chest and wrapping his arms about her tightly. "April Fools."

"WHAT?!" Watanuki screamed right into his chest, her hands coming up to push against his torso to break his hold on her. She failed, the man's greater strength keeping her close, but she glared at him as a substitute, baring her fangs.

"You're an April Fool." Doumeki said again, waiting for the rant that he knew was coming.

"Shizuka! That was a dick move!" Watanuki finally got the joke, but it pissed her the hell off. "What kind of selfish, no good bastard would do that to his girlfriend! You're an ass! That wasn't fucking funny!"

"I thought it was." Doumeki replied as Watanuki's fowl language ran away with her again. "You were so devastated. It was the perfect revenge for this morning's pranks."

"You asshole! You scared the hell out of me! I thought you were serious!" Watanuki was still crying, half from her scare, half from her relief and half from her anger at Doumeki.

"I'm always serious." Doumeki replied. "But I can joke too."

"That wasn't fucking funny." Watanuki mumbled, burying her face in her boyfriend's chest, her mixed-emotion tears dotting his shirt.

"It kinda was."

"NO IT WASN'T!" She snapped, punching his shoulder as hard as she could. And it hurt that time.

"Ow." Doumeki said, feeling the stick of her boney fist.

"That's what you get!" The seer growled before wrapping her arms around Doumeki's stomach and back. And that was the perfect moment for the other thing Doumeki had to say to Watanuki.

"Yuko wants you to pay for the replacement of her alcohol collection since you burned it."

"WHAT?!"

"That's what you get."

"Ug."

"Happy Birthday, Watanuki."

"So I have to pay for it?"

"Compensation must be given for an action taken. You took something from Yuko, now you have to repay her or the transaction will be unbalanced." Doumeki threw Yuko's lessons back into Watanuki's face.

"Shit." Watanuki knew she'd never hear the end of it if she didn't replace the sake. And Yuko would make her life a living hell. "I didn't think that one through.

"See? You're the April Fool." Doumeki pointed out.

"Shut up!"

A/N: And there you go! I hope you all enjoyed Watanuki's, Yuko's and Doumeki's little revenge on each other! Happy April Fool's Day and don't scare your victims too bad! :D :3


End file.
